let me get real for a moment as I talk about my boobs. I have a love/hate relationship with mine, depending on the day. today is most definitely heading towards the hate side of the spectrum. the funny thing is, I actually think breasts are glorious, for multiple reasons. for one thing, their physicality – if you’ve ever seen any of the amazing paintings by the great masters, you know what I mean. they’re such a hallmark of the female form, in any & all sizes. secondly, they’ve allowed women to feed their children since time immemorial – how cool is that? I also happen to think they’re just kind of cool in general.
so why the love/hate relationship? well, if you’re a regular around these parts, you’ll know that I’m, uh, shall we say ‘generously endowed’ in the breast department. big boobs have their charms (ha!), but they can also be quite literally a pain. I’ve always loved silk camis with elegant, slim straps & minimalistic, unstructured dresses, but they just don’t look good on my build – at best, I look shapeless & top-heavy; at worst, I look borderline tawdry. you can’t have pieces that are too-structured either, at least not off the rack. I’ve given up on finding a blazer that doesn’t make my chest look like a stuffed sausage.
finding a good bra, of any kind, is really hard & oftentimes expensive. I used to get so jealous of all my friends who could buy a bra from anywhere or could get away with going without (I wish!). a bra that’s supportive enough without feeling constricting is the key, …and is as commonplace as a unicorn. and speaking of support, I worry about what all that weight on top might be doing to my back over time.
I wish I could say that the worry about the state of my back is what triggered this rant in the first place, but it’s not. it was because I tried on a top that had just been delivered and it just did.not.work. I had ordered two sizes; the smaller of the two was the right length but too tight on the chest while the larger of the two accommodated my breasts but dwarfed me everywhere else. usually, this does not make me lose it as this is hardly the first time this has happened (to me or to any number of women). but I don’t know if it’s the heat or hormones or because I’ve been struggling to get back in shape or whatever, it just got me really annoyed & a bit down.
I realize now writing this that this might read shallow, and in the grander scheme of things, it is. but I think it’s also something that lots of women can relate to, that feeling of nothing fitting, whether it’s because of big breasts or small, a short torso or short legs, or what have you. I have no grand pronouncements about the meaning of it all except to say that I get it, I’ve been there, and boobs will be boobs.
p.s. you can find that awesome pillow here.